I seem to let the days pass by without realizing that my birthday is fast approaching. Text messages starting as early as the first week, along with emails and some people, remind me that my birthday is near, yet it doesn't spark any thrill or excitement. Is it a sign that I am aging?
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| E-card from Nestle |
Something's wrong with me; I know and feel it. I can't exactly tell what it is. Lately, I've felt too sensitive, stuck, lonely, and as if I'm losing some self-worth. There are times when I feel like bursting with anger. What's worse is that I feel no one is there to understand and help me anyway.
I may be bored and tired of what I do every day. Or should I blame this mood on some hormonal changes? I may have problems and encounter negative feelings, but I still have a lot of blessings that I should remember and feel thankful for as my reason to keep smiling.
I don't have any plans for my birthday, whether it's where to go or what food to eat and prepare. I am too tired to plan and organize a small party. I wanted to stay at home and spend the day doing nothing, but that is definitely an impossible dream! There's no party or special dinner, so there are no invited guests. I couldn't help but clean the house. I saw our electric fans and air conditioning filters full of dust, so I decided to treat myself to clean air. I also did a major cleanup of our bathroom! Later in the afternoon, I made a refrigerated cake.
I am expecting my parents and my brothers to visit in the afternoon. Earlier, my younger brother informed me of their arrival. We usually go out to a restaurant for dinner. To my surprise, Mom cooked a lot of food as if a party were happening! That's how thoughtful my mom is, though she's not very vocal about her feelings. That night, I had unexpected guests who came and enjoyed a very satisfying meal. Too bad I didn't have good photos to post here.
Last Sunday, I was reminded of one of my favorite songs, "I Will Run to You" by Darlene Zschech. This song will always remind me of my first solo performance with the band, but I haven't sung it perfectly, especially the high notes. At the same time, the song's message is very personal to me. While singing the lines of this song last Sunday, I couldn't help but let my tears fall as every word sank into my heart.
Your eye is on the sparrow
Your hand it comforts me
From the ends of the earth
To the depth of my heart
Let your mercy and strength be seen
You call me to your purpose
As angels understand
For your glory may you draw all men
As your love and grace demands
And I will run to you
To your Words of Truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the Spirit of God
Yes I will run the race
Till I see your face
Oh let me live
In the glory of your grace
Once again, I fail to remember what God can do for me and that He is always beside me. I have neglected to turn to Him for help and forget that I have someone who perfectly loves and understands me for who I am. I am not alone, and He will not abandon me even in the darkest parts of my life. I can finish my life's race not by my own strength but with God by my side. It is in my weakness and limitations that I see the fullness of God's glory and grace. Thanks be to God!
Giving material gifts is one way to show how special someone is to us. However, it is certainly not enough to fully express love. I enjoy receiving gifts and love the feeling, but my day is already complete even without them. I know I am loved, and that makes my life whole. This is the most wonderful birthday gift I have, and I am pretty sure I won't lose it.
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