Thursday, January 22, 2015

Peace In the Midst of Trouble

EJ, our newborn, just visited his cardiologist for cardiac evaluation.  After a month from his birth, we found out that his weight gain is slow compared with other infants of his age.  Doctors calls it "failure to thrive".  We are in search of the reason for his poor weight gain. Our pediatrician considered having him undergone the cardiac evaluation procedure because heart disease can cause a child to use more calories than a normal child does. While waiting in the hospital, I have bought a book with me so I will not be bored while waiting.  I found this verse in the book that I was reading on.  This continually reminded me to be calm.

Knowing of our baby's condition wasn't easy for me.  I feel guilty knowing it at first because I was nursing him.  Some people tell my milk could not be enough or I might not feeding him at proper intervals.  I could have stopped breastfeeding because of this.  I reviewed how to breastfeed again even though he is our fourth child and I have successfully breastfeed all of my children.  It's such a good thing that internet can provide a lot of information.  Reading through blogs and web about breastfeeding ensured me that I was doing the right thing.  Actually our Pediatrician encouraged me not to stop breastfeeding as it is the best milk I can give to our newborn.

Seeing babies of his age makes me happy.  We have three more babies that are few weeks older than him in the church.  I see how they quickly grow in weight - they already have chubby faces.  You can't resist to pinch their soft cheeks.  I will admit that I feel envy comparing our son to them.  I give in to the idea supplementing EJ with formula after every breastfeeding.  After two weeks we checked how his weight gain but still he didn't met what was expected no difference compared when he was exclusively breastfeed.  So I decided to stop giving him formula milk and continued exclusive breastfeeding. This was the reason why we are now undergoing a cardiac evaluation to check more underlying issues.

During the past days even though we were still unsure of what's going on with our son; my husband and I were at peace knowing that God will not leave us in this kind of situation.  But it doesn't mean that we will no longer comply with the medical requirements we needed to do.

While in the hospital waiting for our appointment to see a cardiologist, I met my Chemistry Professor in College it was really nice talking to her.  After that I started reading the book that I brought along with and found the verse posted above to remind me not to be worried at what's going to happen.   More patients came waiting for their turn.  I started talking to them whenever they sit beside me. I asked them about their children's condition why they needed to visit a cardiologist.  Whenever I learn the infant is just the same age with EJ, I would immediately ask their weight then their birth weight then make comparison.  Deep inside, I feel like I am some sort of investigative with other patients - funny me.  I don't know if they felt I am some sort of a detective to them.  Having some talk with them gave me more understanding of what it is to be a parent to a child with a heart disease.

After the visit of course we had the result of his cardiac evaluation which is normal.  A good news to celebrate.  But this wouldn't mark the end.  We needed to consider more evaluations to solve EJ's poor weight gain.  We may still not know the probable cause but I am thankful of the promise God gave me.  With this verse I know God will lead us in the right diagnosis - I know he already have the cure.  This was not our first time  that our family had been through tough situations like.  It feels like walking in a cloudy and slippery path with cliffs on both sides that would sometimes make us question why.  God only wants us to take that first step of faith because God's hand of protection is there that will make us through.  

(I do not own this photo)

Since Monday I also decided to have a gluten-free diet.  I remember my mother-in-law had wheat allergy and husband did confirmed it to me.  Starting this diet was a huge sacrifice.  I needed to take lots of self control because we have a bakeshop that uses only wheat.  Bread is part of my regular diet before.  And I will always see bread for sure.  I keep myself reminded not to have them and try my very best to eat foods that are gluten free. We'll see what's EJ improvement in this diet as he is dependent on me for his nourishment.  I will now start hunting gluten free foods.  Might as well research gluten free recipes and try them.  I just wish Philippines is like those other countries that started regulations about food packaging.  And they have a wide varieties of products that are gluten free making it easy for those who decided to have the gluten free diet.

Please do include us in your prayers specially our newborn's condition.  I know he will gain weight now and I am claiming it.  I have this Peace in my heart, I couldn't explain.  I will continually trust God and His ways.

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