Saturday, February 9, 2013

Only moms can fully understand...

I believe that all people whether young or old, male or female, regardless of status in life at some point sacrifices for a better purpose.

I used to think if I will be a good mom to my children.  From the time I have conceived from my first son my fears started if I can nurture and provide the need of our coming child.  Since then I started praying that I may be able to raise godly children in accordance with the biblical principles. This way I know I can never get wrong.

My sacrifices being a mother started when I have conceived for our first born son.
I couldn't eat, there are smells I hated that causes me to throw up. Almost everyday I had morning sickness that lasts for almost a day, this would cause me to stay only in bed, couldn't stand to go anywhere, so I actually crawl from my bed if I need move out of it.  Good thing I am not bearing this morning sickness throughout the whole pregnancy. It diminishes as the baby grows. The longest experience is up until 6 months. And as my tummy gets bigger, the more interrupted sleep I had and up until now - that's nearly six years of sleep deprivation.

Choosing to give my children the best milk they could have is to bear the pain of breastfeeding. I am not discouraging new moms to breastfeed their newborn.  I had an inverted nipple so it was hard to successfully latch the baby for the first time.  But with an earnest desire, I was able to surpass and succeed full breastfeeding all my three children.

A number of times I couldn't leave the house to go somewhere with friends, attend gatherings, occasions, meetings and party thinking of my children. I end up buying the things we needed at the house, or the stuffs my children needs, instead of the things I original planned buying for myself. I let them have the best part of every meal and seek to see if everyone has their share before I have mine.

As my children grows with the aim of raising godly children, I am lead to a decision to be a hands on mom. I wanted to see how my children grow and be a part of it from day to day. I have sacrificed my own career and greater the chance of achieving my personal dreams for the fulfillment of a larger vision. A vision to see my children grow as God-fearing and responsible individuals.

I see the big role and influence a mother has for her children.  I do not know how others see its value.  With this I am decided to continually seek and prioritize my children's needs.  At their age they are helpless and needs guidance.  If I wouldn't care for them, then who will?  No one can have the same depth of feelings I have for them and none can exactly care for them the way I do.  How could I entrust them to others?

At times I am tempted to stop on what I have started doing. A lot of situation arises and causes me to doubt on the principles I chose to stand on. I feel and hear people who pity me on the chosen path I take. They add more burden and I start to question if I had took the wrong direction. When I am tired and fed up, I end up feeling used and thinking of what a fool I have been. When the budget gets tight, I am considering to use my title and get a full time job to make our ends meet. I am not saying that working moms cannot be a good mom.

Motherhood is a 24 hour duty, there are no holidays, breaks, nor sick leaves.  I tell you the truth I am not a supermom who can perfectly juggle all the responsibilities in my hand.  Being human I am getting tired, I feel crazy, and pushed to my limits.  Thank God that I still get back to my sanity when I am losing it.

From day to day I am winning battles outside and within me. What keeps me up is that I know it is what God wants me to be and I could never go wrong - the strongest conviction I have to keep on. As I strive on becoming a good mother, I know God is with me as my guide. No matter how great is the sacrifice, I know it's worth it for the sake of my children. The sacrifices and struggles only moms can fully understand.
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